You're here, in life, but are you really living?  Oh I know, you're certainly alive.  Your heart's beating, your blood's pumping, you turn up for work every day, feed your kids, share the odd conversation with your partner, if you have one, regular sex if you're lucky.


Maybe you busy your time up with sports, dinner and drinks, fun with friends, or whatever else floats your boat.


But are you really living?  Are you living what's happening, or are you stuck trying to live what should've been?


Are you spending time in the past, imprinting it onto the present. Living through the dusty filter and ego dominated stories that tell yiou this isn't how its meant to be, how you're meant to be.


Here, let me give you an example:


Let's say right now you're going through a rocky patch in your relationship. It's been brewing for a while, years really. The resentment and anger, the disappointment (this after all isn't how it was meant to be) it's all been bubbling away underneath everything that was never said or resolved.


This discontent's been growing as has the disconnect.  You're showing up in your relationship carrying the weight of everything that's gone on in it since you met.


The mistrust perhaps.  The not being there that time, the too much drinking, the too little love, the lack of laughter, understanding, the lack of presence.


And you have a story, many actually, of what your partner should be doing. How they should be acting.  What they shoud be saying. How they should be adapting, changing, fixing themselves so you can be happy.


Your relationship is happening in real time, this time, only right now, you're not there.  You're living somewhere else. Somewhere that doesn't exist. Because these stories of shoulds and should nots dont belong to the now,


They aren't real, mere fantasies. painful ones.


What is real is that you partner is doing what they're doing. They're acting how they are acting, and they're resisting your push to change, instead staying as they are.  As they've really always been.


That you didn't see earlier doesn't mean it wasnt there only you were looking.


You're living, because you're not in this moment, and this moment only. One of the most powerful and amazing truths we eventually realize about our relationships, when we get conscious, is how they mirror our own unconsciousness.


If we're disconnected from ourselves for example, if we have a harsh inner dialogue, if we don't trust ourselves, or feel like we're going to be left at the drop of a hat.  If we don't believe in ourselves, if we're angry but too afraid to show it. or if we're sure deep down in the centre of our being that we're unworthy, guess what shows up in our relationships?


Issues of trust

Issues of disconnect

Issues of worth, anger, fear, abandonment, critical harsh words.

it's not a coincidence.


Our relationships is birthed from whats inside us.


And we can't avoid what's inside us and no matter who we meet or don't. Or how deep in the sand we squeeze our head, relationships holdup the mirror.  It's how we see ourselves, through the reflection of the other.


If you were on a desert island you'd never see the aspects of yourself that need healing because who would reflect them back to you?


Our relationships are reflecting each other's projections, that match with our own.  So we can see them, address them and fix them.


But only when living in the present moment. Anywhere else and we miss it.


Anywhere like the story of what should happen, or what didn't happen, instead of just living what is happening NOW.

We've got this crazy notion that our lives shouldn't be as they are.  Challenging, changing. That we have to move house, shift jobs, that we have to let go, better our communicaiton, resolves our conflicts, deepen our understadning, we think it shouldn't be happening.


So we resist just living it.  We resist this moment.  And this moment IS LIFE.



We tell ourselves stories that its too hard, we don't want to move, we're afraid to find another job, relationship, soltution, we shouldn't have to.


But there is no should.

Read it again.

Let it sink in.


If your partner is not trustworthy that's how they should be because that's how they are.  That you attracted an untrustworthy partner reflects something in your own field, where you don't trust yourself for example.


People act according to what they believe which is determined by their life experiences, how they have internalised years of childhood conditioning and programming, all the hurt and wounds that came with it. Saying someone shouldn't be a certain way when they are is like saying they should've been born to different parents, had completely different life experiences,  different beliefs, different programming, different ideas, thoughts, perceptions.


Then and only then should they be differnet.


And that ain't going to happen because it's not real.


Living in the story of should, that's just not living life because life happens only in this moment. And if you're not in it, you're not truly living.


So live this moment.


Live that your partner is acting how they act and decide what are you going to do with that information?


Can you accept them as they are?  Can you love them anyway.  Can you see what might be being reflected back to you? And can you change that?


Can you embrace that move, welcome the change, or can you just live it without having to tell a story that is shouldn't be happening. Because it is.  And that's what life does. It happens.


And you can either live that happening, as its unfolding, responding only to the now or you can be existing in a life of shoulds and should nots, resisting reality, all the while missing real life itself.


Nothing is not meant to be as it should.


Because nothing can be what it's not.


Can you change things, can you make them better, can you create a more wonderful life, relationship, job etc? Hell yes. That's the point.


You can create it but not by thinking it should've been different. It's already what it is, but what could it be, well that depends on whether or not you're prepared to live the present moment and in doing so take control of creatingthe future.


Eckhart Tolle nailed it when he said "Complaining makes you a victim. Leave the situation or change it, all else is madness."


All the shoulds and should nots all the dwelling in the past, all the stories that your partner or living situation or job or kids, or friends or health or whatever should be something its not in this moment, is just madness, and ain't doing shit.


And it's not living.


Most people are just dragging around their bodies. They've still got their vital signs but they aren't truly alive because they're not in life. They're wallowing in the past, or frantically anxious in the future, neither of which exist.


And their running their lives and relationships from this dead energy.


Resisting, fighting, blaming, putting up with, clinging on, believing all kinds of illusionary stories that stem from their own unresolved wounds and hurts that were never dealt with. That were never completed.


They're not living, not as who they really are.  


When you truly live you're alive to the moment.  You're anchored into your body, responding to the here and now.  You're trusting that what you're seeing is as it should be because that's what it is. And it can't be what's it not. And that's ok.  How can it not be.  It's life unfolding.  Why are you trying to stop it?


One day you're going to have to make the decision that you're either going to keep living what should've been or you're going to start living what's actually happening, here and now. Because that's what life is. NO stories, no perceptions, no beliefs,  Just what is.

And when you live what is, you live, and you live well beacuse you're free and powerful and clear, and you're not dragging around your past.


If you need help letting go and living present, or needing help navigating the reflections of your relationships reach out for a discovery call and find out how I can help.