One of the most sacred relationships on the planet is between mother and child. The love I have for my son is beyond measure. For as long as I live and breathe, and beyond, he’ll know he’s my world. I make this his experience every single day.
Nobody made it mine.
My innocent soul and the child that it grew down into was denied both the sacredness and the love. All I remember now is the hatred, and I’m not talking about mine.
I know I’m not alone.
There are many like me, we have mothers, but we're the motherless. And our hearts have yearned for the unconditional love that life promised, but never delivered.
We feel a deep sadness and grief over losing someone whose physical body still lives but whose heart died a long time ago. And whose soul seems stuck in the darkness.
There’s no funeral or sympathy card for that kind of loss.
I've known your anger. I've known your pain, I've known your suffering, BUT I also know the healing. Because I've healed from being Motherless, and though there were times in my younger years that I wished I could’ve known, just even for a short time, what it felt like to genuinely know a mother’s love, I've come full circle, and I no longer feel anything is missing from my life.
Having a close loving realtionship with my Mother just wasn’t my experience in this life, it’s not what I chose. And I own that, because I know there’s a purpose far greater than me having had something which, turns out, I don’t need anyway.
And hand on heart, I mean that sincerely. I don’t know if you’ve know me or if you've noticed but I’m truly one of the happiest, most well put together humans I’ve ever known.
And I own that too!
And here I stand, happy strong and in love with life. And I'm here for helping others do the same. I'm here for the Motherless who haven’t yet moved through this process and into the light and peace that I've come to know and cherish.
And peace is there.
If you’ve been epically failed by your mother, please know is that if she didn’t or couldn’t love you, it was NEVER because of who you are. There is nothing wrong with you. It was only because of who she was, or at least who she’d become.
Somewhere in your Mother's story she's known pain so great it disconnected her from her heart. That she can't show up for you is her greatest failing, and deep down in her soul, she knows it. But the darkness has gripped her so tightly, she's given up on seeking her light. And she's fallen into the same hell fire her own mother most likely burned in.
It all started long before you were born.
And though she may cling venemently to her hatred to keep her warm and stop her from looking inside herself, until she does, which may be never, her aching soul will never be settled; her misery never soothed, and her anger never extinguished.
And I can’t imagine that pain.
I can’t imagine the emptiness of missing out on loving my own child.
And she is missing out on you.
After all, she mightn’t have had much love to give, but you do. You always have.
The real loss is hers.
Not all mothers can show or are able to realise their love for their children.
If that was your experience, honey I feel you. And I know your journey has been long, but what you're searching for now is to discover the love that lives within you, so you can end the cycle of pain and unresolved trauma that your Mother was never able to clear.
Because nobody would choose that for themselves.
Nobody would choose to cause their child pain and hold hatred in their heart, especailly not for the child the came earthside through them. That's an infliction I wouldn’t wish on anyone and a sacrifice that the loveless Mother takes to the grave. Sadly to be repeated through her once again, until the energy is transformed back to love and her soul is lightened.
I’m grateful I won't be walking those same foot steps, this cycle ends here.
Some aren’t so conscious. They carry the baton, they become the same trauma and their kids inherit the same ancestral curse.
Nothing quite compares to the betrayal of a mother to her child, and if you’ve lived that story too, my dearest darling, truly, you are a courageous soul to have chosen such a path.
The road may have been dark dark, but it can lead to a glorious freedom and the opportunity to transcend emotional suffering.
If you’re estranged from your mother, and/or if she’s toxic, it’s best that she’s not in your energy field, and trust me you don't need her there. Because she can and will continue to inflict severe emotional damage on you, especially if you have a loving heart.
She’ll project her poison right into it.
And you’ll inevitably feel wounded. But always remember, only the wounded can wound, and what you must do now is discover how to heal and break this repeating cycle and put love back to where it’s been lacking for so long.
Back to yourself.
Because if you grew up with a mother who couldn't love, you'll be withholding love from yourself. You won't nurture yourself in the way you need nurtured. You won't care and tend to your wounds with presence and patience and you'll think because nobody did it for you that you simply can't do it for yourself.
But you can and you must.
I've learned to love myself, as myself, by myself. I don't need my mother's love and if you don’t have it, trust that you don’t need it either.
We belong to ourselves, to life, to the Universe and the energy of creation. This earth is our true mother, and my darling you are deeply loved and your heart deeply held. And when you heal from this wound, and you will, THEN, it’s the end of the line for that story.
Your mother may still carry it, but not you darling.
Dawn Lee is a personal & spiritual intelligence coach, writer and modern-day oracle with a passion for melding psychology, coaching and spirituality. Dawn's expertise is helping others make peace with the past and reclaim happiness, love and connection from the inside out. Her mission is to help shine a light of awareness in the world and help guide those courageous enough to seek divine truth and wisdom, and the purpose of our human existence.