A world full of 7.6 billion people, and you're lonely AF.
Maybe you're flying solo, and your loneliness haunts you like a stubborn old ghost wandering empty halls. Stuck and unable to get to the other side.
Your loneliness floods the ether. Your Tinder script's a well crafted catchy little piece, of how you love moonlight, sand in your toes, soft sheets, and the smell of horses. A truer ditty might read "Empty, unfulfilled, and sadly alone."
Isn't that how you really feel?
Or maybe you're not solo. Maybe you're one of the millions of lonely hearts in a couple. Can't they just be the loneliest places sometimes? You can't even remember when you last held an authentic conversation, let alone each others hands.
Or maybe it's what you are holding that's the problem; your tongue, your truth, your realness ... Just in case it rocks the boat too much and you might end up alone, again.
Loneliness isn't just a feeling. It's a destructive force that lays havoc on our emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual well-being. It's an unchosen lifestyle, nobody wants to live.
It's one of our biggest fears.
It's also a mammoth block to bliss. Happy and lonely are opposites that don't attract.
In fact loneliness kills happy.
“Out of loneliness there is no possibility of love.’ - Osho
As a lonely girl you're so afraid of being alone that you can't help but try to possess others. Oh you don't mean to, in fact you say each time, "it will be different. I'm different." But the first missed call or an unanswered text and that old fear creeps in back in.
Even the happiness wanes into the sadness. Once the dust settles, along comes the worry. The feeling of unfullfilment, The angst.
And you can cling.
You can even cling to the remnants of a lost love well after that last frayed piece of the knotted mess breaks. Even when there’s nothing left to hold on to, you stay.
You can stay where you don't feel valued, where no fucks have been given as to whether you're happy, satisfied or sometimes even breathing.
You can stay even when you've been betrayed.
Too dependent to leave, too afraid you’ll get left.
And when the cracks become too big and you finally fall through, you jump unhealed into your next relationship. And the cycle starts all over again.
But what is it about being alone that really scares you? And where did your loneliness really come from? Where are its grassroots, do you know?
Firstly just recognize that you’ve confused being alone with loneliness. They sound so pot-AY-to, pot-A-to. But no, actually alone and loneliness are two very different things.
Aloneness is positive; it’s the blissful state of solitude, and it's beautiful because it’s a moment in time when you're simply enough. Have you glimpsed it?
Loneliness on the other hand is negative. It’s a state that craves ‘the other’ - and that's a craving that distracts us from something we fear more than loneliness. Our own awareness of ourselves.
We're so desperate to not deal with ourselves that we need to use ‘others’ – other people, other things, others substances, anything 'other', that helps us to forget who we think we are.
Because we hate who we think we are. And we’re afraid that once we're alone we’re going to have to face our own ugliness. Our wrongness, our unworthiness.
Is that the real reason for your loneliness?
The truth though darling is you don't know yourself. You only know what your mind is telling you. And your mind is so very fucked up by your past, and the painful experiences you had growing up that led you into states of loneliness.
You believe your mind, because you think you are it. But our mind's have been wrong many times darling, remember?
And it's not just our minds, our bodies tells us too.
You see loneliness begins the moment we leave the womb.
Birth is the first separation, the first physical feeling of loneliness. Our bodies never forget that feeling and as we grow that feeling grows with us.
We separate from our mother; first from her body, then her breast, then her room, the warmth of her arms. We go into childcare, to school, we leave home. And we're alone. And all the feelings of loneliness gather together.
And if we grew up in dysfunction, if we were deprived of love and connection, abused or mistreated, felt misunderstood, neglected, unheard or unloved. If our mother was neurotic, or our father an alcoholic, our loneliness was heightened.
We spend our lives attaching now to anything that offer us a distraction from it.
Anything to fill up the black hole.
To block out the past.
To end the pain.
To rewrite the memories of our own perceived unlovableness.
Ironically our trying to escape loneliness only attaches us to it. Have you noticed that darling? That the more you try to escape yourself the more stuck you become, the more empty you feel.
That's because you're missing yourself.
You're missing your true essence, your true power, the power that will heal you and attract back to you the love that will end your loneliness.
You're missing your magic.
Because you've never truly known yourself since being in human form. It's not just this lifetime you've spent trying to escape yourself, but many lifetimes.
And because you don’t know yourself, no one else really knows you either. And that hurts doesn't it darling, that make you feel even lonelier.
So what can you do?
How do you end the loneliness?
“The cure for the pain, is the pain.” - Rumi
You end the loneliness by doing the opposite of what you've been doing. You stop running. You call it by it's real name, aloneness, and instead of trying to escape it, you go into it.
No more running. No more escaping.
No more trying to distract yourself from yourself.
Instead you stay with yourself. You turn inwards and slowly you discover who you really are beneath the fear of being alone.
Beneath the past. beneath the pain, beneath the memories.
And something magical happens. You begin to find yourself. You begin to find that piece of the Universe that lives inside you. You begin to find the vibration of God. The vibration of love.
Your own love.
The love that brings itself back to itself. And now you're not afraid of being alone. And now you let yourself receive love, wasn't that really your problem before, that you couldn't receive because you didn't feel worthy?
You don't need to possess. You don't need to sabotage.
You just need to be yourself. Your true self. The self who emerges from aloneness.
The self who is magnificent. Who is as worthy as the source you originated from. You're a spark of the divine darling, don't you know? You always are, always were, and always will be worthy, nothing you do or don't do can alter that.
It's only what you're believing that determines how you feel that worth.
You're the light, you're the love, you're the eternal flame that’s always burned, but been obscure from the dust of your past.
Darling, you're the enough.
Dawn is a transformational coach, spiritual mentor, writer and catalyst for conscious connection and soul evolution. Her passion is helping others shut the door on the past, master their mind and realign with the intentions of their soul, to rediscover their happiest, truest self. Discover how to work with Dawn.