'I’m super selective about who I let into my life and energy field these days. I wasn’t always this way. I’m a friendly old soul, I love meeting new people and making new friends. I could strike up a convo with a Martian and make them feel at home, but I lacked boundaries.
I was also naïve in thinking that everyone’s intentions are as honest as mine.
News Flash - they aren't.
It wasn’t until I got knee deep into this work that I realized the magnitude of insecurity and decades of deep, unresolved pain and unexpressed anger that so many of us carry. It’s this weight of our past shit that leads us to acting out of integrity with our truest selves. This is why we act like douchebags, our filters are clogged with the dust of the past.
Some people's filters sure are more clogged than others.
So I don’t judge.
But I don’t blindly trust that people have my best interests in their heart. After all, that’s my job.
Mostly others don’t even have their own best interests in their heart because their heart energy’s so blocked with past pain and disappointment. And whilst it might be in their selfish interest to take advantage and try to suck me dry, it’s definitely not what’s best for them. Because they’re going against love and truth, and they’re out of alignment with their inner being and source, and that’s a recipe for total chaos and confusion.
Chaos and confusion and a big steaming pile of human dung that I don’t want in my field, thanks very much.
We’re under no obligation to have people who aren’t aligned with us in our lives (or to let them stay there.) We're not beholden to put up with their drama or let them drain us like a tap. Even if we're related, there's no requirement to have that person in our life.
I don't care if you're a relly, if your toxic hurt and anger is spilling out onto me, if you're sucking my energy dry and dumping your negativity at my door, I’ll see you, like N.E.V.E.R.
It’s not rejection, it’s responsibility.
I’m responsible for who’s in my life … BECAUSE IT'S MY LIFE.
It’s MY energy field, these are MY experiences. And I'm the one picking up the pieces because I have to live through what I manifest, and I refuse to manifest someone else’s shit in my life.
Not since I got fully conscious.
Not since I took control, not since I woke the fuck up to the fact that I really am creating my reality.
And I don't need nor want nor have to put someone else's up with drama and negativity in my life. And I invite you to wake up to doing the same.
I invite you to stop letting other people fuck with your vibe and create chaos in your field, because darling, you’re the one who has to keep picking up the pieces.
Now, I know you need help with this so here's top 10 tips;
ONE: Get real and honest with yourself and what you stand for. And don't be afraid to own it. You need to know your base line and if people around you aren't down with that or are way off your values, that's a clear sign you're not aligned.
TWO: Create boundaries around what you're willing to put up with and when people cross your boundaries, FFS, have the courage to tell them. People aren't mind readers. We need honest communication.
"Hey can we clear something up. You did X ( borrowed money didn't return it/take credit for my work/only call me when you're drunk/speak to me rudely/fill in the blank) and I'd appreciate if you don't do it again."
And that's that. No need for a song and dance.
And if it happens again then you're being given a very clear message that this person for what ever reason, doesn't respect you or your boundaries. So what are you going to do about it? Time to move on because they ain't for changing.
THREE: Treat yourself the way you want to be treated. When you treat yourself well you won't put up with others treating you badly. We put up with what we're willing to accept from ourselves. So up your own standards and walk the talk.
And don't think you're doing anyone a favour by letting them ride rough shod over you. You're just adding to the shit in their life that they have to feel guilty about. Not so kind from that angle is it?
FOUR: Learn to use "NO" as a compete sentence. And no, it's not rude.
FIVE: Stop reacting and instead respond. Some great advice from Osho; if you're angry, wait 24 hours before you respond. Drama's like wild fire; it spreads fast. You don't want to fan the flames, so take a deep breath, and a step back and take some time out before you reply, if you reply at all.
After all, it's not your circus, rememebr.
SIX: Be busy. You don't need a big list of excuses. It's your life, your rules. You can do whatever the f*ck you want. And as luck would have it you also don't have to do what you don't want. Ain't it grand to be you! Don't be available for the negativity.
SEVEN: Manage your time. If you have to be around someone toxic at least have a cut off and don't let time run over. Set an alarm in your phone;
"Oh hey, sorry I've gotta run, I've got an appointment."
EIGHT: Don't get sucked into the gossip or negativity. Stay neutral and say nothing. I used to have a now ex-friend who was always driving the convo into the negative. At first I would engage until I realize that every time I was around her I felt drained. Sure enough a bit of presence and I realized she was always complaining and I was getting caught up in it.
Once I stopped buying in and just moving my head with a few "uh huhs, and oh yeahs" the interaction became way less painful. Of course I didn't hang around for more than a few lines, I had to go because well, I was ...um "busy."
NINE: Recognise that you don't have to spend time with people even if they're family. Ram Dass said "If you think you're enlightened spend a week with your family.
Sadly family can sometimes treat us the worst. It's always amazed me how polite people can be to strangers and then turn to someone close to them and destroy them with a single sentence.
I don't buy the whole 'bloods thicker than water' bullshit. If you have a dysfunctional family or family member you have a responsibility to protect yourself from them. People can be vicious. For some being related means the gloves are off.
And don't limit that rule just to family. The same goes for your boss. Just because someone's employed to employ you doesn't excuse them from exercising the basic standard of human decency.
The days of putting up with bad bosses is coming to close (amen to that.) We're entering a new level of consciouness , and no job is worth stressing yourself to death over and putting up with someone else's balant unmanaged narcissim or immature and uncontrollable temper.
Remember, you've got talent and skills that someone else will appreciate.
TEN: Limit what you share with others about yourself. Most people gossip about themselves and then are surprised when others use what they know against them. And its especially important to not share your hopes and dreams with people you know aren't in your corner.
Drama queens and energy vampires will piss all over your good news and aspirations. They love negativity and they don't want to see you succeed not because you don't deserve to but because they don't want to feel any more inadequate then they already feel.
You can be open but still maintain your privacy. You're not obligated to tell people the finer details of your life.
Ultimately once you realise the damage that some people are doing in your life you'll pull back and start to honor and value yourself enough to give them a wide berth.
This isn't about shaming or blaming or judging others its about taking control of your life and energy and creating a field around you that's respectful and encouraging and filled more with love than drama.
Because you deserve that.
And it's more loving that you give it to yourself because putting up with people's shit and then being resentful and bitching about it is only creating more bad energy FOR YOU.
And that's exactly what this whole post is about.
You have to get ruthless about managing your energy field and your life, because you are the manager. And you need to run a tight ship. It can take years to recover from people's poison, years of struggle and heartache and feeling crap about yourself and your life. Years of manifesting more sh*t.
No one's worth that.
Life isn't a dress rehearsal, you aren't going to be around and looking this good for ever! Don't let others drag you into their circus and bring their negativity into your life. It's up to you to protect your vibe and your energy field.
Stay loving, especially to yourself and if that means walking away, sister, run.
Dawn Lee is a personal & spiritual intelligence coach, writer and modern-day oracle with a passion for melding psychology, coaching and spirituality. Dawn's expertise is helping others make peace with the past and reclaim happiness, love and connection from the inside out. Her mission is to help shine a light of awareness in the world and help guide those courageous enough to seek divine truth and wisdom, and the purpose of our human existence.