We've all been hurt, and I'm guessing none of us wanted to be.
It's unavoidable it would seem. We all lose somewhere. It's impossible to be human and grow up without being exposed to pain. We're feeling beings, and really, we're too busy trying to feel better instead of trying to better feel. We're supressing our emotion and we're not healing.
And instead we're recycling the hurt.
I know what it's like to feel victimized, badly. I grew up in the "worse than others' category. Most kids are victimized, to varying degrees. Because somewhere along the track. we all fall victim to someone else's unconsciousness. To life, to death, to loss.
We can't control it.
Often we're victimized by our own parents. Mainly because of the unresolved wounds of their relationship with each other, their own parents growing up, and of course themselves.
Many people are in great emotional pain and when that pain lies unresolved, eventually it gets too much and it spills out onto others. Kids wear the brunt of their parents pain more than anyone because they're so close to it.
Of course we can also be hurt outside the family, but often it's in crucial window between 0 and 6 years that we experience an emotional wound that becomes supressed in us and paves the way for victimhood.
Victim energy is extremely prevalent in our world. It's the breath beneath our complaints and judgements of others. It's the fuel that fires the heavy energies of shame, guilt and blame that we pass back and forth to each other.
When we look at the world and the many layers to it, it's not hard to see how so many people are hurt and disconnected. But actually its not the original hurt that's the problem.
It's the story that's become attached to the pain. That story has ground it's way down into our psyche and locked itself into a file marked "the truth about who I am."
Of course some of us are hurt worse than others,. Some wounds run deep, and dark. Wounds against our innocent bodies, and our precious fragile, unassumingly little minds.
I was one of the some.
My pain and suffering spanned my entire childhood. My first and last memories are of pain, anger, violence and abuse.
But as much as I hated the hurt, I absolutely loathed the feeling of being a victim.
The story of powerlessness, literally I couldn't swallow. It just wouldn't go down. I couldn’t hold it me. And even though I had no apparent power at all, that was one thing I refused to give up, and would not take that role on.
And that kept me strong.
And it fed the f*ck you fire that lived deep inside me.
But more than that, and this I know for sure made a massive difference to my coping ability, I was somehow able to see that the one doing the victimizing was the one who was truly broken.
I mean who could even inflict such pain on a small child without being totally disconnected from their own soul?
Who could wound so badly without having lost their own moral compass? And who could keep hurting if not someone who had drifted so distant from their own humanity?
Who could be filled with so much pain, darkness and a lack of consciousness that they let it spill uncontrolled so viciously on the innocents around them?
I kept that perspective. God, I realise it more now than ever because I don't see evil or even bad, not in the normal sense. I just see wounded, unhealed trauma. I see the broken hearts and twisted minds that never mended.
It's not that I felt pity, although, sometimes, I actually did.
But more I realized that my wounds were never anything to do with me. How could they even be? How could I be unworthy of love, any more than my own son is? How could I be responsible for the darkness that lived and breathed in the empty shells of people who couldn't love their own kids.
No, even then I refused to carry their story. The shit I went through, the shit you went through, that could never be our fault. To suggest it is to still be asleep, stuck in own unconsciousness. And I won't live there for anyone.
The thing with unresolved hurts is that they dam well keep repeating. Not because we deserve them to, but because we hold the energy of the original wound and we cradle deep in our subconscious mind the belief that we're now somehow tainted by it.
That kind of thinking really pisses me off.
Regardless even of the physical scars you may carry, your soul is intact. Your essence remains pure, and bright and boy were you were courageous to incarnate here and live through what you did.
The part of you that survived is far from damaged, its heroic beyond measure. It's only the belief system you created around your wound that's damaged. And you dear friend, can never be your beliefs.
What does get damaged however is your energy field. I hate to say it but the damage done by the wounder could rarely outweigh the repeated damage we do to ourselves. Day in day out. Month in month out, year in year out.
People damage themselves till they die believing they're still victims - I want to change that.
It's the energy of victim hood that's damaging their field now. Because it's attracting back to itself itself. And it's co-creating together with the universe more experiences for the original wound to be felt and experienced all over again.
This is a key "why" for me, why I'm so passionate about helping people heal the past. I do this work because I want to help stop the hurt from repeating.
I know it doesnt have to.
I know what its like to hold a great wound and I also know what its like to let it go. And that's what I want for you.
I want you to rise up out of victim hood and discover yourself beyond that wound. Beyond the story that starts and ends in the same old way, every time.
You deserve to be free.
You deserve to have a clear energy field. A field that attracts a strong loving partner to you like a magnet. A partner who wants to nurture you, love you, hold your heart tenderly. A partner who is patient and gentle, kind and compassionate. A partner who is confident, who you can trust, and lean on and know no matter what they will be there when you fall.
You deserve that. And yet you're struggling to find it, And that's because you haven't yet healed that wound. Oh I know, you think you've dealt with it. You think you put it bed for years with the vodka and the drugs and the meaningless relationships.
You think you left if behind, But you left in you. And its active and its showing up in your relationships as a means to get your attention to find it and work through and free yourself from not just from it, but the story of being a victim.
Because you will keep being a victim until you rewrite that story.
And that's not what I want for you.
And I know it for sure, beacuse its through my own wounds that I'm now able and open to love and be loved and to help you heal and love too. And I know you want to. You're tired of it.
You're sick of believing shit about yourself that the deeper part of you knows isn't true.
Healing from the past is a process. It takes the kind of understanding that most haven’t opened to yet. It takes the kind of seeing beneath the surface that few are yet to master.
I’m not most, and I am one of few.
And I can help you be one too. You don't have to stay a victim. You aren't one, you can't be you can only believe it and because you believe it, you make it so.
And you keep making it so.
If you're ready to rewrite your story from victim to victor reach out and connect, because I can help you with that.