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We all screw up. Yes even you Pollyanna, you're human too and we're not here for perfect. We're here to learn and transform and making mistakes is part of how we do it. Oh I know you wish you didn't. I know you'd like to squeaky clean, and you think it'd be a much better world if nobody screwed up. Do not, I repeat, do not go there, that sh*t's not real.

Making mistakes isn't the issue, it's what we do afterwards that can determine if our mistakes get made again, sometimes much worse than before.  Maybe what you did was bad, oh well, no matter. It's done and it can't be undone. Beating yourself up is pointless; self punishment is never deserving. 

Be sorry, but don't launch an all out emotional war on yourself.

I know you've disappointed yourself.  Sister, I've let myself down in the past too many times to count. But shaming ourselves keeps us recreating the same old patterns, feelings, and mistakes. And ain't nobody got time for that.

 

Newsflash: nobody learns sh*t from the good stuff.

 

The tough stuff that teaches us to do and be better.  It's the sh*t that creates the shine. It's through our mistakes that we grow into stellar human beings.  Our worst stuff ups can be the catalyst for learning our greatest life lessons.  Beating ourselves up blocks that learning process.

We all grow up with differing degrees of unconsciousness. Conditioned in childhood we carry faulty programming and negative beliefs. Our unconscious parenting, along with our own unhealed wounds and trauma and the unhealed trauma buried in our family history, all impacts our choices, behaviours and decision making processes.

Let me give you an example.

Let's say you're struggling with addiction. Maybe it's alcohol, junk food, shopping, one night stands, crappy, painful, non-committed relationships, whatever. On the surface you think you're just a bit of a loser.  You've tried to change, but you've slipped back into your old ways and now you hate yourself.  

What you might be missing is that your addiction masks a deep wound. Were you abandoned by one or both of your parents perhaps?  Growing up were you treated harshly?  Were your emotional needs ignored, or maybe you had a cold, distant parent? Or step parent even, who drummed into you that you were a useless, worthless, complaining little bitch that nobody would want?

And now you have this huge gaping hole you're trying to fill.

What you're addicted to gives you a good feeling, a chance to feel happy, like you're worth something. Only the cycle of addiction is such that the good feeling wears off and you're soon back chasing it again. 

Beating yourself up for being addicted, or for the behaviours that stem from it, is pointless. Can you see that you're really just reinforcing the unconscious beliefs of unworthiness and failure instilled in you as a child that drive the addiction? 

You mightn't realize it yet but our souls carry unresolved energetic imprints of our past lives as well as ancestral energies. Perhaps your own father was an alcoholic and your mother was abandoned by him? And perhaps her father was an alcoholic too, who abandoned her mother.  Addiction and abandonment are common ancestral wounds, and all wounds manifest until the energy pattern is collapsed and healed.

It's pointless beating yourself up for having an addiction then.

If we pay close attention to families, we see repeating patterns of devastating loss, pain, abuse, betrayal, oppression, denial, struggle, hardship and fear. Patterns that continue to manifest as our souls try to guide us to balancing these energies.  Disruptions act as sign posts to the original wound. Only when we've had enough of our own sh*t do sober up long enough to discover that we're on a spiritual quest to heal our family patterns.

This was certainly my experience.

Beating ourselves up we miss is the message in our mistakes. That growth from the mistake is the vital part we need to pay attention to and not the mistake itself. This helps us discover what's really driving our behaviour and why we keep repeating mistakes we should've learned long ago.

Unconscious or not we're all responsible for our actions, but until we look deeper and see that our lives and our unconscious behaviours are mirroring old wounds and unresolved energies, chances are our mistakes will keep repeating.

I wonder if in the future when our world's more spirituality evolved will we look back at our old incarnated selves and wish we'd all woken up sooner, so we could enjoy living and our souls could hurry up and adjust and ditch the the past.
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Taking responsibility is key, but not in the old way. Not in the "it was my fault, I'm a bad person, I deserve to be punished' way."

That way's done.

 

We need to take responsibility in a more evolved, higher conscious way. A way that gets to the root of what’s really going on in our lives, so we can stop the suffering and unnecessary heartache we're drowning in and projecting unconsciously onto our fellow brothers and sisters.

Next newsflash; our stuff repeats until we heal.

You've probably already noticed that we keep repeating the same lessons until we learn them. But you mightn't yet be aware that we pass them onto the next generations who have to carry our old burdens. They have to live them out, just like you're living out your parents old burdens right now.
 
I know you don’t want to hear that, well your (yet to be) kids don’t want to live it either.
 
 

So, we have to forgive ourselves and get work unearthing the unconscious parts of us that keep us tied to old mistake making patterns.

 
 

I decided long ago to be done with mine.  I'd carried my own past life burdens and the burdens of my ancestors long enough. I paid a heavy price incarnating into abuse and violence so I could heal those energies and save my own son from carrying the burdens.

 

I made a agreement with myself, I decided never to beat myself up again.

We all stuff up but if we jump into judgement, shame and guilt, we’re just tightening our own noose. And why would we do that?
 

It's time to stop treating ourselves so badly no matter what we've done. We're here to learn and we have a right to make mistakes. But we also have a responsibility to learn from them and heal. We have to stop shaming ourselves and embrace the life lessons our soul is leading us to.  For ourselves and every generation after us, the burdens must end here.

 
We are not bad, evil, stupid, or powerless victims destined to keep screwing up and hating ourselves. We're powerful co- creators of our reality. But deep down we're afraid that we’ll fail, that we're unworthy, that we're defective and that it's not safe for us to be who we are. And that's why we shame ourselves. 
 
 

It's time to rise up out of that.

Let's grow, and help each other grow too.  Let's lay down the need to self punish and take responsibility in ways that raise our consciousness, create real change and end the mental and emotional war that everyone's fighting.  No matter what you've done, the real you, the truest you, your essence is pure. You're a divine being of light and love and you're on a physical journey to learn.

 

Please, never forget that.

Ready to have help letting go of the shame and fear?  Connect for a free discovery call and find out how working with me can change your life.