I've always been strong, self sufficient and self supporting to a fault. Independent is my middle name .... actually I don't have a middle name .... but if I did....
It's served me well this fierce and fiery spirit of being my own master. But I know, and you probably do too, that it's bloody hard doing everything for yourself.
It's hard being your own hero.
And it's also hard finding a substitute, someone who you can truly count on. Someone you can actually trust enough to let go of the reins, to relax and safely know that they've got you covered.
Chances are like me, you've typically attracted the opposite. And there's a reason for that.
People who are fiercely independent actually have a deep rooted fear of dependency. Attracting people and situations we can't fully depend on keeps us safe from realizing that fear.
I was made to be self sufficient. Independence and self sufficiency were key energies in my soul plan (more about that later).
By the time I arrived (unplanned and unwanted) my mother, estranged from her family and country of origin, with two small children under the age of 4, and married to a violent, abusive, socio-pathic husband, with a stone for a heart and a deep disconnect from any sense of human decency, would've, I'm sure, had very little left to give.
I don't blame her. In fact from my higher perspective I know that I chose the energies I incarnated into.
When it came to love and support, I'm pretty sure I literally learned to grow up on thin air. I don't have one single memory of ever being held in my mother's arms. Not one. Nor one memory of ever being told I was loved. Not one familiar feeling in my body of being supported and safe.
Quite the opposite.
I grew up on a diet of fear and lack of support.
So I learned to support myself.
It's great skill to have, and a necessary one if you want to survive. And if you learn how to turn the shit of your childhood around, it's a skill that will give you an enormous amount of courage and serve a wonderful purpose.
But the problem with people like me, and you if you resonate, is that because we learned to look after ourselves more than we ever should have, we never learned how to receive the love and support we want, and need.
We haven't learned how to be safe in others hands.
We haven't learned how to allow support, how to attract it in, how to align with it via any other channel than ourselves.
And eventually the tank gets empty. And we run dry.
And we have no idea how to fill it back up again.
Mostly we've attracted people into our life that reflect the level of support we had growing up. In my case SFA. That's not to say that no-one has ever given me support or been there for me.
In fact recently when clearing out this old pattern I realised that I'd actually had a lot more support and help that I'd allowed myself to see. But it had always been short lived. And it had always been at a price. And at a deeper level, it was also rejected, keeping me safe from the fear of dependency, I sabotaged it.
Supportive environments don't feel aligned with our subconscious attachment to self support.
They don't fit the pattern.
They belong to story that we've yet to write, yet to know, yet to live.
You see the struggle we're exposed to in childhood, become the repeating struggles we subconsciously re-create for ourselves in our adults lives.
It becomes a vicious cycle, a battle between what we consciously yearn for, love and support, and what we're able to energetically receive.
Even the cells in our bodies reject support. Our nervous system isn't set to allow the inflow of energy. We're stuck in a holding pattern and our lives reflect back to us the old feelings of being alone and unsupported, no matter who happens to be around.
I've felt it ... many times.
It's a pattern that took me many years to work through, but it's a pattern that's shifting. Because it's a pattern that through acknowledgment, understanding, and gentle release has taught me what I need to know.
That support can be limitless.
That it comes not from others, not even from ourselves but from the source of which we emanate from. That's where it begins, and all other support is a manifestation of the original source.
You see the lack of support comes from the belief, and the belief comes from the experience and the experience, well it's highly likely that it comes from our soul's plan.
Being born into a life where independence and self-sufficiency were a must, tells me that those are energies I'm here to work with. Yes its good to be independent but to fear anything is to be limited by it and to fear dependency in a world where we strive for connection, actually keeps us separate from knowing that we are in fact one.
And this is a learning we're all here to witness and partake in.
Every negative holds within it the positive. One cannot, and does not exists in the absence of the other. Every fear if followed back will take us to the source, back to the plan of the soul's evolution and freedom from the mental bondage that we all incarnate into.
When we learn to appreciate and understand our life from the perspective of our soul and from the fourth dimension, everything makes sense. Every struggle becomes a catalyst helping the soul's plan unfold.
Learning to open to support is the key to having it.
If you feel unsupported right now, start by using your breath to anchor yourself into your body and allow yourself to imagine that support is all around you.
Let yourself believe that you are already supported by an infinite source of energy that has the power to attract into your field the support of others who want to help you. Who want to assist you in your journey. Who want to see you succeed, to lend you their hands and share with you their hearts and flow of loving positive supportive energy.
The more you can connect to this vision and imagine the energetic state of being loved, held and supportive by a friendly, safe and loving Universe, manifesting itself through the hands and hearts of those who share this world and journey with you, the more support you'll receive.
If you need help letting go of the fear and making the space to welcome in the energy of support then start here, and let's connect.
You're more loved, supported and connected than you yet realize. But the more you open to support, as you align with the vibrational frequency of a supportive Universe that really does have your back, the more support you'll have.
Sending you love!