It never really bothered me all these years living without a family. When you come from the kind of dysfunction and destruction I grew up in, being family-less is a relief that never wanes. There's a certain don't miss what you've never had element too.
For some though knowing it's something they'll never experience and seeing other families together can often trigger a deep sadness.
For the longest time I escaped that feeling.
Imagining a loving connection with my parents was just too hard. It's like to trying to imagine being blind, deaf and dumb; you can't. I've always just been grateful to have survived.
But when my son came along so too did little pangs of longing for the kind of connection and support a loving family brings.
I pushed these pangs to the side, but over the years as my son's grown the pangs have grown too. I can't help but feel that he misses out on so much.
And I know he feels it too. Not so long ago he told me with tears in his eyes, "Mum we've got no one. I only have you ... and dad, and I don't even have a grandad. There's no one else for me."
I felt his sadness.
I know he compares himself to others, especially on holidays. That's probably when its hardest. There are no family gatherings, no special visits, no family hustle and bustle in the house. Birthday's can be quiet, and Christmas too.
Of course I remind him that we must be grateful for having each other, but I know in our hearts we both silently wish it were different.
And we're not alone.
There are many like us who exist without family support. No one to help, lend a hand with chores or after school care. No one to babysit, take the reins for the weekend, help out on holidays, cook a meal or share the load.
No loving energy or hugs from a wise, warm heart that's lived and loved and can offer support,
And it's even harder as a single parent. Having no partner is a whole other level. And it's not just the lack of extra hands.
It's the lack of emotional support.
There's no shoulder. No one to share the day with, hug you tight and say it'll be ok. It can be incredibly lonely and I take my hat off to all the single mums and dads who give their all and do their best with no support.
What's true about families is that they aren't always easy spaces to exist in. As Ram Dass said "If you think you're enlightened try spending a week with your family."
We like to think that families are a soft place to fall but for many that's just not what's real. Some families have the kind of toxic energy that can crush your soul . Narcissistic parents aren't uncommon, and there's no shortage of kids physically or emotinally abandoned by one or both parent's growing up.
Many parents were harshly critical of their children growing up and that cristism landed deep, and it stayed there too.
And sadly now as adults they haven't come close to healing those old hurts, often passing on the pain to their own children.
And I feel them; a piece of my heart breaks because I've known that pain too.
But I also understand the family from a deeper perspective and whilst we might wish our families could be so much more, the reality is that they couldn't be anything other than what they were.
So many of us are born to parents whose own families were so entrenched in generations of unhealed trauma and hurt. Wounds so deep and dark, festering over lifetimes, infecting every new human heart that incarnated down the ancestral line.
We can wish it were different, but we can never change the past.
We can however break the cycle. And for those of us who've suffered at the destructive hands of unconscious wounded family members I want you to know this.
You came here to heal and you have an untapped ocean of courage to do so. You're called to be the one that says "no more, this pattern ends with me."
You're called to rise and in doing so serve not only the new souls who come through your line, but also help heal the energy of every soul that's already passed through. Because when we heal and dissolve the trauma pattern we heal not only ourselves and future generations, but the energy in our entire ancestral line.
I know it can be hard.
I know it can be lonely.
I know you wish you could know the comfort and support of loving parents, grandparents and extended family members. I know you long for a loving village to help you raise your child, be there in your times of need, soothe away your losses, and celebrate your wins.
Or even just acknowledge that you exist.
But if you don't have it in this lifetime you're going to have to trust that it simply wasn't meant to be. Because with the trauma running through your family it just couldn't be any other way. You'd have to travel back through generations to have a differnet experience.
What you do have now though is an opportunity.
A chance to heal and balance the karmic energies of your past. And if you have your own family now, or in the future, you have a chance to heal the fuck ups and failures of your own parents by being the loving force they could never be.
A chance to discover connection deep within yourself and find gratitude for what you do have, because that will bring you more of it.
I wish there was a way that we could all have the love and support from others we so desperately deserve, but family life is fraught with challenge and life had other plans for us.
What we do have however is now. And we can learn to love and support ourselves and that can never be taken from us. We also have the love and support of those around us, friends are our family, and often when we take a closer look we have more love than we realise.
We also have the love and support of a benevolent Universe, and from the divine source we all emanate from.
I know you struggle to feel that love. I know you struggle to have faith that it's there.
But I promise you it is there.
And when you heal your own inner trauma and raise your vibrational frequency you will evolve away from the pain of your roots and transcend to a higher knowing that you've never truly been alone.
A knowing that you're always loved and always worthy and that one day you'll find the love and support you've cultivated inside, on the outside. And you'll cherish every single moment because you've known the hardship of having done without it.
Never forget that the most courageous souls choose the hardest journeys and reap the greatest rewards.
If you need help recovering from family trauma or lack of love and support, reach out and connect for a free discovery call and find out how I can help you through.
Dawn Lee is a personal and spiritual intelligence coach ™ with a passion for helping smart, spiritually-aware professionals out of crisis and back into clarity. She specialises in melding psychology, coaching and spirituality. Her expertise is getting to the roots of the unresolved wounds that cause self sabotage and create chaos in others lives and relationships. So they can heal and connect back to their happiest, truest most soul-aligned self. Find out more about working with Dawn.