It's a good question, and you're not alone.
We all want happiness, for ourselves and others, especially those we care about but trying to make other people happy can create misery for us. Happiness is an inside job, we're responsible for own happiness, and others for their own too.
So why doesn't it feel that way?
Why do we try so hard to make other people happy?
One of the main reason we try to make other's happy is to gain their approval.
We were conditioned early in childhood to make our parents happy so they would approve of us. When we were good and did things they liked, they were happy and we felt good. And when we felt good, we felt loved.
But when we were bad and didn't do what they wanted us to, they were angry and they withdrew their love. And we felt sad, and alone, and afraid.
Being good meant we were approved of and lovable, being bad meant we weren't. Children depend on love for survival. It's death to the child to not be loved.
So we learn that making others happy because it makes us feel approved of and loved, and now we're all grown up we're seeking that same love and approval.
Seeking approval is a black hole for all kinds of suffering.
Because we can't make people happy all the time. And if we're beleiving that their happiness depends on us then when they are not happy with us we feel like we've failed, like we're wrong, unworthy even.
But the truth is its not even us that makes them happy, it's what they're thinking and believing about us that decides how they feel.
And I don't know if you've already noticed, but you can't control what other people think and believe. Only they can do that, and mostly they don't even realize it. Their thoughts and beliefs are on auto pilot coming from the unconscious parts of themselves.
When we rely on others for our happiness we open ourselves up pain. Our happiness is our job, theirs is theirs.
We can share happiness though, and it's perfectly ok to want to. We want to see our loved ones smiling, and joyous, but we can't force them by what we do or don't do.
Life entails all emotion, its ok to feel sadness, to feel anger, to feel in general. Feeling our feelings is how we release them, and we can't know that person doesn't need to be feeling what they are feeling for their highest good.
The best teacher is example. If you want to spread happiness, be happy.
If you want to be happy approve of yourself. You don't need others permission, and you don't need others to be happy for you.
And you don't need anything other than what you have right now to be happy. You're alive, your heart beats, you're breathing, you're a divine being here on earth in a physical body with purpose. You're a walking miracle, and you're loved, deeply loved.
Happiness is a vibration cultivate it in yourself
As your happiness expands it will impact others. Happiness is healing and lifting and we all deserve it, but our job to remove everything inside of us that stands between us and our joy and in doing we encourage others to do the same.
True happiness will bring miracles into your life, seeking approval on the other hand will stifle your growth and feed into the story that keeps you seeking in the first place.
Your parents were unconscious they didn't realize that they were teaching you that approval and happiness go hand in hand. It's what they were taught too.
Now you can learn something new. Something truer. Be kind, be loving, help others as much as you can when you can but you aren't responsible for their happiness and they aren't responsible for yours.
Your happiness, your job.