You can be your worst critic. You know you should be kinder, more gentle and self- loving but you just can't seem to switch off that nasty little voice that leaps into action the minute you so much as put a toe wrong.
I know, I used to do it too. Until I made the commitment to stop the harsh criticizing. No IF'S, No BUTS, No MAYBES. NO MORE!
You need to make this same commitment.
If you want to love yourself more, and you absolutely can, there are some obstacles in your path that you need to remove. Negative self talk is one of those obstacles.
Negative self-talk is a destructive form of self-sabotage because it stops us expanding and evolving into a better version of ourselves. It puts the breaks on our being able to realize our true potential .... and here's why.
When you negatively criticize yourself you're actually criticizing the 5 year old wounded child that exists within you.
Close your eyes for a second and imagine a small, innocent 5 year old child standing in the centre of a room. Now imagine unleashing all your criticism onto that child as she stands there unprotected, vulnerable, scared and alone.
Typical negative self talk includes comments such as:
You're a failure
You'll always end up alone
You haven't got what it takes
You don't deserve to be loved
No-one will ever want you
You keep fucking things up
Who do you think you are?
Once people see you who you really are they will hate you
You're always going to be this way
You've let everyone down
You can't do anything right
You can't commit to anything
You're going to end up with nothing
You should've done (fill in the blank)
You're not good enough, and never will be
Now, imagine what the little child in the centre of the room is feeling copping all that sh*t, and ask yourself this question:
"Under these circumstances will that child release his or her full potential?
Will she feel courageous enough to try?
Will he feel safe enough to fail?
Will she take a chance, let herself shine, try something new, give life her all?
In the face of all that negative criticism, will she believe in herself?"
You don't need a psych degree to know that the answer is a big, phat resounding NOT LIKELY.
Under the fire of criticism the wounded child in us simply won't be able to access the confidence or courage to let our full potential out. And we need her to come to the party. We can't do it without her agreeing because she'll always be the resistance that lives within us.
Instead of expanding she'll contract. Instead of coming out of her shell she'll withdraw, she'll shut down the potential that lives inside of her and continue to convince herself that the criticism must be who she is, who she's destined to continue to be.
And that's an absolute tragedy, because it's not true.
Negative criticism is toxic. It robs us of ever knowing our true potential because we shut our growth down. We don't believe we can change, be amazing, be happy being who we are because we believe who we are is flawed.
It's not our fault. We weren't taught that it's safe for us to expand. By the time we took the reins we'd already decided we were flawed thanks to the messages we received about ourselves and the world growing up.
BUT now we have a choice.
We can come to understand that criticizing ourselves sabotages our growth and happiness and we can choose to stop. We have to get conscious and aware about what we're doing and how it's impacting us.
Critical self talk has to STOP and it has to STOP NOW.
As with every change if you're going to stop one thing you must start another: you have to replace the behaviour. So what do you replace it with and how?
Well come back to the 5 year old child. If you have her potential in your hands and its your job to help her release it, what would you tell her instead of criticizing her?
How might you encourage her?
Could you praise her for her efforts, even if she missed the mark?
Could you affirm to her that she's ok as she is, that there's nothing wrong with her regardless of what she's done or hasn't done?
Could you tell her that she doesn't need to be perfect, she doesn't need to always get it right, in fact its only in making mistakes that she'll succeed in her assignment here to learn?
Could you convince her that who she is is good enough, and that she's loved and supported and she'll never be alone?
Can you help her grow into the person she has the potential to be?
We are the only ones who can parent our inner child in the way that he or she needs in order to allow us to be who we truly are and release our full potential. No-one can do it for us.
Everything we need, we need from ourselves.
So today, in this moment, right here, right now, can you commit to giving up the negative self criticism knowing that if you keep doing it you're criticizing a small child and in the process stopping yourself from being your best self?
It may take time, old habits die hard, but the key is your commitment and through that commitment bringing yourself back to truth and love every time you stray.
Commitment is catching the criticism and choosing again, only this time choosing love.
When you encourage and create a safe internal environment for your inner child to let go and open up, you will come to know that its safe to let who you are shine. And you'll allow yourself to be everything you came here to be.
Without your negative criticism you'll learn to let your true self be seen, and you'll begin to release the awakened potential of your soul to the world.
If you need help taming your inner critic, don't stay stuck, reach out for a 20 min free discovery call and find out how I can help. firstname.lastname@example.org